The Six Stages of Unemployment: No. 2: Rejection

I know this paints a grim picture, but one of the requirements for being out of work is being rejected. That's what you do now. You get people to say no to you, as often as possible, until, to torture an overburdened cliche', you get to yes.
Because unless it's a job offer that you decline, which is rather uncommon in today's market, as long as you stay out of work you're going to hear two things repeatedly.
The first is"no".
The second is "not yet".
Every CV sent out, every interview that does NOT end with a job offer is a rejection, if you look at it as a binary. It's yes or it's no.
Either you're hired or you're not.
And after a while, "buck up, little camper" wears a bit thin.
This is where it gets really tough. Every day can seem like another long dark night of the soul.
How do you weather it?
Again, let yourself feel it first. Work through those emotions as honestly and quickly as you can. Then get back to work, if you've stopped for that part of the process.
The work:
Ask yourself the necessary questions. Is my material up to snuff? Do my CV, cover letter, portfolio and references say what I want them to say about me as a professional?
But don't JUST look to yourself. consider external possibilities, or you run the risk of magnifying every aspect of your life into a series of failures. And down that path lies doom. Wallowing in despair has an indolent appeal to some, but the pay is lousy. So look to external, as well as internal, factors in your rejections. Some, possibly many, of the reasons you're not hired may have little or nothing to do with you.
In that sense, although it's a major part of your life, it's not necessarily personal.
They might have had someone else in mind for the position all along. The interviewer might have had a lousy day. The interviewer's own job might be at risk. In some (very few) cases, the interview process is just a way of building a pool of available applicants in anticipation of a later turnover, or possibly with an eye towards an internal restructuring.
The thing is that even if you ask, you can't always know.
And the way I see it, it's fine to ask. If the company in question has decided on someone else, trying to find out what factors went into the decision is valid. It has a couple risks. You might be seen as a sore loser, or desperate.
Sidebar: I've never understood why it's bad for someone in a desperate situation to seem desperate. It's not a poker game, it's your career. So long as you don't bring your emotional issues to the interview table and embarrass the interviewer, I see nothing wrong with being quite clear that you both want and need the job. Why else ould you be asking for it?
But by asking why you were rejected, you can learn not only about any missteps in your job search dance, but possibly learn a bit more about the career in which you seek to advance.
The second thing, "not yet", can be much harder to hear.
"We don't have anything for your exact talents at the moment" implies that the organization may have a need for you down the line. All well and good, but most people looking for work have imminent needs.
When you hear this, it's vital to plan a time frame to check back with them. I often make such inquiries when told this. If you are given a time frame is vague, or no specific time frame at all, pick an arbitrary time based on industry trends. In most cases, 4 - 6 weeks is a reasonable time to check back.  Then immediately add that follow-up to your datebook, planner or whatever organizational tool serves your process.
Next: Stage 3.

The Six Stages of Unemployment: No. 1: Shock

Even when you see it coming, like Peter Parker, the original Hard Luck Kid, it's a shock to no longer have your job.
Jobs are a bit like relationships. We gripe about them nonstop, and when they end, we're more than a bit sad and often surprised.
Think about it. You're used to a set of conditions and have built significant parts of your life around them, even if you don't always care for them. And when they do stop, even if it's your idea, your sense of comfort with a part of your own life is taken away. And the longer you were at the job/relationship, the deeper the shock, even if it is coupled with the relief of something unpleasant ending, as is sometimes the case in such circumstances.
What do you do?
First and most important, start dating again.
Begin looking for work immediately. This process will be full of fits and starts. Asking for something that you recently took as a given in your life takes some adaptation on your part.
Also, know that even though it's crucial, accept that you may not be able to do this particular thing right away.
You've just been handed a pretty significant setback. Your whole life has just been reshaped. Its akin to being whacked upside the head with a two by four. Not everyone has the wherewithal to stand right up and run a marathon, which is what you must do in a job search.
The core message of all these posts is the same. You're going to feel bad about it. Not accepting that will extend the process and feel worse.
Dealing with the shock is the hardest.
Talk to your friends and family nonstop. You'll want to talk about things besides being out of work, just so they'll put up with you. Nobody wants to listen to a broken record forever. But the less time you spend out of your own head, the sooner you'll be better. This will also give you the advantage of perspective. When you have a big new problem, reminders of other peoples' problems will help you keep balance. These reminders will also help you remember that you still have something to offer, especially if you can be of help to someone else.
There's much more to say on this, but this will serve for now. I must get back to work on my cover letters!
Next: step two.

The Six Stages of Unemployment

Well, you don't have to hanged by the neck until dead to see your way through being out of work.
Fortunately!
But when you do lose your job, some things you don't anticipate will happen to you.
Your life will change in ways you don't expect, and at the time, probably don't want.

Much like Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's theory on dealing with death, I've broken the process down into six stages. Strangely, just as you adapt to being without work, so too you must go through a grieving process when you get work again. Some parts of the cycle will recur when you are once again employed! This is because your life is again changing in unexpected ways, and you have to acclimate to yet another way of living.

Dr. Kubler-Ross, late in life

The six cycles I've identified are
1. Shock
2. Rejection
3. Fear
4. Immobilization
5. Desperation
6. Resignation
This is much like Dr. Kubler-Ross's five steps of dealing with death, but it has some distinctions. Also like that cycle, you may not experience these things in that order. But odds are you will experience them all.
That makes sense, because when you have your job removed from your life, someone has died- the person you were when doing that job in those circumstances no longer exists.
The important thing about this is to not be a brave soldier.
Wallow in it. Not forever, but long enough to deal.
Unless you have the will of a machine, you're going to feel bad whether you acknowledge it or not. The sooner you get it over with, the sooner you can get back to the work of your life.
Also, bear in mind that some of that work does not stop when your job is taken away!
In the next couple weeks, I'll explore each of these steps.
If you disagree with my take on this, have at it! A job search, like democracy or life itself, is a work in progress, not a place for easy answers!